It's my birthday on Thursday, I'll be 37. I know in the great scheme of things that's not old, but somehow it's so much closer to 40 than the mid-thirties.
I guess I'm a bit down about it. It's not so much the actual age, it's that I look at my life and see that nothing's really changed over the last fifteen years. I finished my degree (archaeology - so useful in everyday life!) then had about eighteen months of casual jobs (market stall, shop, cafe, potbank) before getting a receptionist job at a doctors' surgery.
Fifteen years later I'm still there, working upstairs doing computer reports on clinical data. But the only real change in my life is the people I've met through the Internet - either in RL as well or just online. I still live at home with my Mum (I know, how sad is that!), we've got the same dog (a mad Border Collie-cross called Jake). I do go to a different church, Anglican instead of Methodist. Oh, my hair's red now but that's hardly life-shattering.
I am happy most of the time with everything, I guess I just get thoughts now and again about what I want from life - this is a 'now' time.
I don't know what could make it different and even whether I'd be happier if it was. Oh well... I'm sure I'll be back to my usual cheery self in a few days, after Thursday anyway ;-)
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Thanks for the encouragement Bob. I know that no one will make it all happen apart from me, and I need to crack down and get writing if this truly what I want to do.
A book written now at 37 will be very different to a book I would have written 20 years ago *I'm so old I could have written a book 20 years ago!!* Maybe that's a good way to think about things...except I can't even say I've had a lot of 'life experience' to use in my work.
I guess I feel like I haven't got a choice so life has to be like this. Still, there are worse things so it's okay.
I got a lovely birthday present today in the post...all the way from America :-)
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! Girl, I just turned forty!!!
Happy Birthday to you too!! :-)
I increasingly believe that until we go inward to deal with underlying unresolved issues in our lives, we remain stuck, doomed to repeat mistakes and recreate life situations time and time again until we get it right. That a number of years down the road, nothing seems to have changed begs the question.
What do you want to be different? What keeps you from having that experience?
Hmmm...that's complicated. I'd love to have my own house/flat and maybe get married, have a family - and how traditional is that!
But I'm in the same position as Prince Charles - waiting for my mother to die before I can get on with my life. I know that sounds callous and I'm sorry for that. I'm flued-up so I'm in a don't-care-what-I-post mood.
Sorry about that last depressing, post. I'm not so flued-up now so I probably should delete it in case my Mum ever sees the site.
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